She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
