I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
