Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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