how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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