Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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