his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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