I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
