Swine flu. Run for my life!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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