i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
