Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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