Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
