my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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