I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
