How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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