That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
