i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
