Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
