i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
