dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
