Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
