I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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