a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
