Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
