Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize