You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I did not marry a roomba.
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