a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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