Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
