I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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