I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
