Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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