I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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