i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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