2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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