I'm passing your future prison.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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