So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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