Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
