We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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