I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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