His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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