I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i now understand why vodka
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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