I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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