I wish my penis had an off switch
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize