we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
