No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize