A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize