stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
