You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize