Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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