Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
