Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
