i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
