Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
