great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
