The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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