My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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