it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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