then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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