Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These tits shall not be calmed
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