It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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