You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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