I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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