So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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