Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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