dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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