I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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