I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
