I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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