The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Two words: blizzard sex
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
