I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
