dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
