He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
